Helping Your Child Manage Anxiety

Tips for helping children (and teens and adults) manage anxiety:

1. Our brains are wired to keep us safe and to worry! So the first thing to say is, this is your brain doing its job! Sometimes our brains get hiccups and tell us to worry when we are safe/really don’t need to. That’s okay.

2. Get moving!! The best thing to do when the back of the brain (amygdala) tells you something is wrong, is to move. If you can, get your kids outside. If you can’t, play a game involving moving, running up and down the stairs, jumping jacks, push-ups, yoga. Skipping—I contend you cannot be sad/worried while skipping. Let me know if you try:-)

Inversions (downward dog, headstands, handstands, bending over and touching toes), can be particularly calming. Lunges, pushing against the wall with both hands (plyometrics). Putting your legs up against the wall while lying flat on your back. Have them help you move furniture or boxes. Wheelbarrow races💜💜

3. Teach thinking about thinking, or metacognition. “What is your brain telling your right now? Why do you think that might be?” We can “boss our brains back” by saying “okay, but how likely is that to happen? If that worst thing did happen, what could I do? What facts are there to support that this could happen?” (sometimes fighting worst case scenario thinking causes more obsessive thinking. Inviting it in and breathing through it while using logic can help).

4. Teach body awareness. “How can you tell when you are upset, worried? What’s the first sign in your body?”

5. Deep breathing. Deep breathing. Deep breathing. Breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of seven, breaths out for a count of eight (vary depending on age; littler kids can use bubbles to teach this).

6. Break worries into two categories:

1. Can I control this?

2. If I can’t control this, what can I do to let go of the worry? Worrying is like wishing for things you don’t want to have happen.

7. Visualize stop signs, develop mantras (“not today Satan”). Set aside time to worry. I used to tell a ten year old boy who worried incessantly that we were setting aside ten minutes to just worry. He never took me up on it, saying it’s a waste of time.

8. Write down the worries. Little kids can draw pictures and name the worry (like the Worry Monster).

9. Focus on gratitude. Discuss as a family how lucky you are to have xyz. Have your children name things for which they are grateful. Have them draw, color, or write about these things (this is how we rewire worry/depressed brains).

10. Reassurance should be used sparingly with kids who were already worriers. I know that sounds counterintuitive as a parent, but those kids need more concrete strategies (or they become dependent upon others to calm them regularly rather than develop skills more internally).

11. Worrying tends to run in families. Usually at least one parent reports problems with anxiety. This means parents have to be “doing the work” too, to not burden their children with their own worries.

12. Stick to whole foods as much as possible. Carbs/sugar/caffeine can exacerbate worry/irritability etc through fluctuations in blood sugar. Consider adding a protein if your child does have a sugary carb.

Lastly, get help if it’s inhibiting their daily functioning. One of my favorite books for kids who can read is called, “What to Do When You’re Scared and Worried.” It’s on Amazon, but there are many others.

This list is far from comprehensive and not meant to be treatment for anyone.

-Laurie